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Guilt is a very destructive emotion that can paralyse people. No matter what you did or said to another person, seek forgiveness in your own heart for yourself before you seek it from the other person and that is the way to liberation. At any one time you can recreate your life. There is no big black book with all the bad deeds you did. The only person punishing you, is yourself. Follow these steps to forgive yourself and to move on from this experience so that you are freed from this emotion that is preventing you from enjoying your life and living it to the fullest of your potential.

Step 1: Take ownership for your action.

Often our egos try and excuse what we did so that we can better live with it. For example, if you burn someone with a hot iron by mistake, our ego tells us that it was their own fault, after all they happened to stand in the way and didn't we tell them a million times to watch out$%: Or, if you we say something very hurtful to someone else, our ego may try to convince us that, again, it really is the other person's fault because they pushed us to the edge where we had no choice but to say the things we did. Or our egos excuse our actions based on the circumstances of our own lives. Maybe the ego is trying to tell you that you acted the way you did because of your upbringing, or the hard work you do every day, or the stress you're under.

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In order to heal, let go of these false beliefs. With the deepest compassion for yourself, understand that what you did or said was your choice in that moment and you chose to do/say what you did. That makes you responsible for that action. Everyone has this free will and choice and the external circumstances may influence us in a certain direction but it is our own ultimate responsibility.

This step may be painful for you to go through but it is important because only when you see that it was your choice and you are responsible, can you start to forgive yourself. You do not need to wait for other people to forgive you but you need to forgive yourself first. Even if others forgive you, you will not feel at peace with yourself until you forgive yourself, in your heart.
Forgiveness can only take place once you acknowledge that you took the action that now makes you feel guilty. So accept that what you did or said was your own choice in that moment and at the same time hold the deepest compassion for yourself. Do not judge yourself for what happened but just accept it as a fact. Don't punish yourself by saying 'I did this and this makes me a terrible person'. It is important that you only acknowledge your action as your full responsibility without going into the other extreme of judgment, degradation, and putting yourself down.

Step 2: Accept that you are human and you are always acting the best you can in any moment given the circumstances.

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Most people encounter difficult situations and do things that they regret later. Do not regret for it implies judgement of yourself. Never judge yourself or others because it is not your place to judge yourself or others. The actions you take in any moment are your truth in that moment. And although they sometimes cause you and others harm, they are what they are. Judgment doesn't bring you further in life and it has no purpose other than to tie you to the event that you now regret. This is just like the guilt you feel which also binds you to the past. It paralyses you from going forward and self punishment and self judgment prevent you from living in this moment and sometimes they can even stop you from doing all the millions of good things that you have in you. Don't let one past moment stop you from being in this moment.

We play an important role in the overall existence of all beings. Through our actions we experience ourselves and we allow others to experience. Events and circumstances are not open to chance but they play an important role in what everyone has chosen to experience on a soul level. Now this doesn't give everyone carte blanche to behave in the most atrocious way. Quite the opposite. It means you have the responsibility for you actions and you need to choose in the moment which action you take.

Imagine you're driving along in your car and suddenly another car appears and drives in an unsafe way. Maybe they cut you off or they drive too close to you. Many people get angry in this situation and get 'road rage'. And it's only too easy to 'show them' and join in with the aggressive driving. You have a choice in that moment to either reciprocate the behaviour or to accept that the other person is clearly in a lot of emotional pain - otherwise they wouldn't drive this way - and let it go. If you choose the former you may end up being involved in an accident that could also involve other innocent third parties. Taking responsibility for your actions in each moment means to be aware of your feelings and thoughts and to choose the ones that you want to experience. Yes, you can change your feelings and thoughts - they don't attack you from outer space. Do you want to be aggressive and endanger yourself or do you want to arrive at your destination safely$%:

Now clearly you have already in the past experienced the feeling and thoughts and taken the action that led you to a situation that you now feel was not in alignment with who you really are - otherwise you wouldn't feel guilt and regret. And that is OK too for you have just made a choice in the past that took you down one path you didn't want to go. Accept that it is what it is and there is nothing you can do to change in that moment. What you can do is forgive yourself and move on, away from the pain and live now, in this moment, with all its opportunities to express the part in you that you really are.

Step 3: Forgive yourself

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do for yourself. So be patient and compassionate with yourself. You may have to repeat this step several times until it is integrated in your being. Here are some words that may help you with this step. If you choose other words to forgive, make sure they are non-judgmental: "I forgive myself for what I did/said in the past. My actions were based on the circumstances in that moment. I have learned from this experience and in this moment I would choose differently."

When you read these words, feel them in your heart as honest and truthful. The combination of reading the words out loud and feeling them as truth in your heart will release the pain you hold about this situation.

Step 4: Now let go of the past and move on

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When you feel forgiveness in yourself, let go of the situation that happened in the past and made you feel guilty. You have done all you can do resolve this within yourself and that is enough. You do not need to suffer years of guilt and you do not need to 'make up' for what you did or said. You were in the situation in the first place to experience it and to learn from it. Now you have learned how you would prefer to react if a similar situation happened again and this is truly the best outcome for you and everyone else.

Do not wait for the other person to forgive you. This might or might not happen but it is irrelevant to your life. You have no control over the other person. And just like you were, they may be stuck in the same event and may remain stuck there for years to come. Extend your compassion and love to them in your thoughts or even in your words but don't feel guilty when you do so for you have cleared your soul from the pain and you have learned your lesson. They now need to learn their part of the lesson that will allow them to move on as well. And this has to be their choice and preference and it cannot be influenced by you or anyone else.

Now move on with your life and enjoy it for there is so much to be happy about!